Two of the questions I often get asked are:
“How do you achieve bright colors when you paint?” and
“It seems like your blog is light & happy. Do you ever get sad?”
The first one amuses me but the second one disturbs me. As I would tell my friends, the colors that I use don’t represent my mood forever. I don’t think I can be in a happy excited state 24/7. Rather, it represents my range of emotions. (Oi! Poor Ponggo who has been the witness to my rainbow of moods.)
To paint a picture, today’s a perfect example. Work is piling up. Ironically I’ve been sleeping 10-11 hours for the past two days because I’ve been feeling feverish. But even the excessive sleep doesn’t seem to make up for my weary soul. #OhTheDrama
Normally, when I don’t feel good, I go offline. Apparently, this is what gives people an impression that I’m forever a ray of dancey-prancey sunshine skipping & hopping over colorfulandia!
So, how am I writing this post since I’m not feeling good? Well, I’m putting all my thoughts on scraps of paper partly wondering where my legible penmanship went and curious as to why I have this certain type of sadness that not even a block of chocolates can’t satisfy.
Maybe I’m bewildered.
Maybe I worked too much over the holidays, weekends et cetera.
Come to think of it, I can only remember 2 weekends in 2014 where I consciously said, without any guilty, that I wasn’t going to work. *Ahh…That explains it! So folks, just in case you’re wondering how to get burned out, that’s it!*
These days, I try not to sleep with my phone anymore. Actually, I think I need to buy a classic alarm clock already. It’s good that having a phone is like having a computer. But I don’t feel like going to bed online with all my notifications, pending e-mails, projects and a barrage of status updates. I mean, I revel in it–that’s why I’ve been into blogging and social media for quite a while now but I must admit it could get overwhelming sometimes.
Italicize. Oh wait, was I supposed to type that? Oops.
I know. It’s actually unfair that I’m sharing with you these sentiments when you might have stumbled upon this blog entry through one of our social media accounts.
Yesterday, I saw a photo of my favorite Vine artist, UStheDuo. They were in the middle of the dessert. They said they were staying there so they could write some new songs for their upcoming album.
“Awesome”, I thought. Now, if I could just uproot and transport myself to somewhere out there in the middle of nowhere in the push of a button, that would be great! (Iceland, take me back!) But of course I can’t so all I have is a good space between me and my laptop and a vow not to open any social networking accounts even the red dots on my phone are begging to be noticed.
Honestly, at this point, I don’t know what my main topic is anymore. We could probably say I’m plain ranting / reflecting / ranflecting (?!!?!?!).
Anyway, I guess that feeling that I’m stuck in a rut is my body’s & mind’s torturous reminder that my senses need to rest and they direly need some let’s-just-stare-into-space-and-do-nothing time. It also doesn’t help that while I’m stuck in this phase, I’m nagging myself for being so ungrateful. I shouldn’t be feeling like a wreck! I believe that at this point, I pretty much have a lot of the opportunities that I’ve wished for. But it’s like fate gave it to me all at once like a bunch of snowballs thrown my way so I’m overwhelmed, scared, shocked and panicky all at the same time.
Yeah, snowballs. What was I thinking?? It could have been something closer to home like kamatis (tomato).
So I might just have to spend a little more time in this comfort zone of mine realize that I am a human being and that I need rest and attack once again when my troops are ready for battle!
P.S. Oh god. You just don’t know how many times I’ve thought about quitting blogging. “Everyone’s on Instagram these days blankly scrolling down their feed like me! Why blog?” But, my mind’s just too talkative and I always feel that I need to share something every time! I just can’t fight it! *Okay, that’s it. Stop na Tippy. So much for showing you how much of a mess my mind is.*